Breastfeeding Adam

I am a Mom to six kids, starting in 1988 to 2008. It was with my sixth child that I decided to breastfeed, I tried with # 4, 5 and 6 but became frustrated and gave up. With my first child I was ignorant to the imporatance of giving baby the best and besides at 20 I felt like most young new mothers feel; ooh, I ain't doing that! Besides, I grew up around women who never spoke of nusrsing and formula was the way to go. I now believe that most women grew up to believe nursing is 'nasty' and breasts are for male pleasure, not to nourish a baby and these females follow their freinds and are made to feel that nursing is for the women in a different social class. Also, most females have the idea that if they go outside the norm, they will be teased, looked down upon and possibly lose what girlfriends they have. There are so many myths associated with breastfeeding along with outright lies.I'll get to the myths and lies at the end of my story but for now I will tell of my exeperience with breastfeeding Adam.

Adam is my sixth child and he is responsible for changing my idea of nursing and nursing in public, he also made me the advocate I am today. When Adam was born he was bottle fed, I thought about trying to nurse him after birth but then I remembered my experience with my 1st son born in 1994; hands all over me, no privacy and total frustration. I voiced my decision to the nurse who was in charge of tending to Michael( my 1st son) and I'll be damned if 1 of nurses gave him formula anyway. When I was handed Michael at 1 day old, I decided that it was now or never, so I placed him in position and the next thing I know my nurse was trying to adjust me! Her hands going this way and that, I asked her why can't I be left alone and really, how hard can it be? She gave me some excuse and I gave up trying and surrenedered to the bottle. I tried again in 03 and 05, with the baby in 05 almost succeeding but it turns out she has a speech disorder that affects how she chews and swallows so I don't feel so bad for not being able to nurse her.
When Adam was born I decided he too would be bottle fed and I was sticking to it since the struggle just wasn't worth it. Well, after 5 days of pain and swelling ( yeah I know; 5 before), but this time nothing was working and I don't know how much my spouse spent on relief but it did no good. I called the lactation dept at the hospital I gave birth at and she stated that there was only 1 thing that would help; nurse the baby. I was a little stunned by her bluntness but decided to try it but I got the warning; you have to stick with it or I would be in for it. The hubby rode to the hospital, got me a hand held pump for which I would like to know who invented this instrument of torture? I think I tried to pump for 20 minutes and nothing but a whole ounce was produced, meanwhile I was nearly in tears thanks to the torture device. Meanwhile baby was crying, my boobs were swelled and I knew what needed to be done; get him latched on.

Here's the thing about my house, I have 5 other children, three were teenagers,  1 was 4 and was was 2 and a half so there is no privacy and no quietness, ever. I decided to put on an over sized shirt and modestly nurse my son. Well when you are hyper like me and with the excitement in the house, I just couldn't do it with all eyes on me not to mention my hormones being wacky; causing me to be drenched in sweat . I sent the big kids to their room ( why should I leave) and thus began me nursing Adam sans shirt. What freedom! No shirt hanging in his face, me not fighting to stay in the shirt and no more sweating! We did it! Ahh what relief. No swelling or pain and the milk was flowing freely. Adam loved it. I can't describe the feeling that comes over you while nursing, I know the body releases oxytocin during nursing but it was different than that. It was serenity, peaceful and pure heavenly. Then it happened; company came. Can you imagine the horror and hyperness that was going on? I realized something had to change and I had to learn to nurse modestly . I felt sorry for my older children who I sent away during each feeding session, especially for my oldest daughter who was elated over my decision and who later on became her mom's biggest advocate/fan. I learned to feed Adam under a light receiving blanket when visitors came and with a smaller tshirt during feeding times so the bigger kids could remain in the living room and so that my oldest daughter could ooh and ahh. Adam was 5 days old when I decided to nurse him; myth # 1 busted: you do not have to nurse within the first 24 hrs after birth. I was assured Adam did get what the lactation woman called liquid gold with his first feeding, so no guilt in starting late.

I was told that if I wanted to pump in a bottle to make sure Adam was taking 1 before 3 weeks of age so he'd get use to the breast and bottle. I bought an electric pump and all the items needed for dry/sore breasts and nursing pads for the leaking and again tried the pumping thing. Again, only 1 or 2 ounces of milk and I was pumping in between the feedings, my boobs were excessively filled with milk so I was disappointed by this but became aware of what I must do. Strictly nurse. Now I did offer the bottle here and there but the poor baby looked like he was chewing on a cigar! So, Adam was a boobie baby. Taking Adam to his first Dr visit was a test of my choice and to nurse in public. The clinic was crowded when we arrived but I thought it was no big deal since I learned how to cover without smothering Adam and I thought I also learned to relax. It happened; panic struck. We as nursing moms need elbow room to feed and a look out person, seriously. To have strangers staring at me as if they were waiting for the show to begin. I had no problem with the women in the room but it was the men making me nervous. I was sweating, nervous and flushed, besides, how would my husband feel if another man caught glance of his exposed wife? Pins and needles were going thru my bidy by now, I had to do something for baby was hungry.
With all my dignity I approached a nurse and asked her if I could please use an empty room to nurse. This nursed looked at me with shame as if to say; " You nurse and yet you're embarrassed". She found me a room to nurse and before she left I simply explained that I'm new at this and felt uncomfortable with other men looking. I did something I am totally against, justifying my actions.
With each Dr visit and home visits by my son's therapist I became more relaxed and did what I had to do, feed a hungry baby.  Going back to Adam's first visit, when his Dr and the staff heard of my choice, you'd thought I was worthy of a statue in my name. The joy was from me deciding on my own, sticking with it and saying pssh to the stigma and so called shame of breastfeeding. At Dr appts, Wic appts. too, the staff could not get over the fact of what I was doing and some were even shocked that I did it without classes or pumping for bottles. They were proud of me and I was proud of myself.

Breastfeeding Adam was the best decision I ever made and getting the strength to nurse in public. Nursing in public is what made me want to get the word out on Maryland's law that gives us the right to nurse in public and to help other mom's over come their fear of the public eye and the comments directed at us. I had a few incidences out in public with Adam but after my Mom passed is when I had my first battle with another person and to be a female is what really infuriated me. My mom passed so I was already a nervous wreck and what happened to me at my local Social Security office put me on the mission to open peoples eyes and shut up the ignorant ones. Adam was 5 months old when the incident happened, also I had my 2 youngest girls with us ( my spouse) and since I was strictly nursing, I had no choice but to take him with me and feed him there. If anyone has ever been to one of these offices you would know how small and crowded it can get and how long the wait is. It was a 90 plus degree day and after running all morning, Adam was not only hungry but dry so it was nursing time. I asked the guard if there was a space I could use since I did not want to offend anyone or expose myself to people sitting close to me ( remember elbow room) and not only that, how was I to discreetly lift up and latch him on? Well, the guard gave me option # 1; feed him in my van; no air conditioning and I'm not that cruel or stupid. By now the baby was very fussy as were mt 2 little girls and I was at my boiling point. I asked the guard again, her answer was;" You can take him in the bathroom". I was pissed at this point and I politely told her to eat her lunch in a rest room. I voiced my disappointment of how another female could have a shrewd attitude and how can anyone deny a baby's right to quench his thirst and hunger. I once again took my seat and tried my best to nurse Adam without drawing attention to myself, now I know most nursing moms wouldn't give hoot who was watching but being new at this, I was more insecure and afraid of someone peeking. The seats at this office are close together and your are facing others, I could not get any elbow room to do anything. The people next to me and in front of me could see and hear my frustration and I didn't care, I mean why were their eyes on me as soon as I covered Adam? Why couldn't they just mind their business?
After about 20 minutes of pleading, my spouse came up with a plan; put me by the table that is used to fill out forms. He put a chair on the side of the table and placed the stroller in front of me with each girl on a one side of me. I began to nurse Adam when this guard committed the biggest breastfeeding ever; she walked over to me and started to move the chair with me in it! She said that I cannot feed him there and to sit by the bathroom, anger took over. It seems the man at one of the front desks was offended so to speak and I was sitting too close to him! This is what I remember saying out loud; how the hell am I 'offending' anyone when there was no way in hell the man could see me and to these ignorant asinine people; who the hell denies my son his food and what kind of a person rips a baby off his mother's breast? I was no more good and I am surprised I did not get thrown out or arrested. I also told the female guard, thank you for showing my daughters the ignorancy on nursing in public and great job on women's rights.

When it was finally my turn to speak with a worker Adam was placed once again on my breast. I asked this female if she had a problem with me nourishing my son, she said as long as it's covered up! I told her I had no plan on flashing her as I was not into females :). My husband spoke up and told this worker that anyone  who suggests a baby sit in a car w no a/c should be in his words "bitch slapped". To feed a child in extreme conditions is neglect and abuse. I hope no woman has ever done such a thing. You see, I tried to be respectful to others, not saying I gave into societies views on nursing in public, it's just that I am respectful and I really don't want strangers ogling at me or my son. After that incident, I fed Adam no matter where we were or who didn't like it. Wherever went, I made sure I wore a bigger shirt and had a light blanket, but no cover during the summer months. I got pretty good at being discreet. As for the guard at Social Security, I did file a formal complaint thru the Governor's office and suggested that the signs that state breastfeeding is legal as with nursing in public should be posted in all city/state buildings and if state employees have an issue with a nursing baby then there should be a public lounge for mother's who nurse and bottle feed. No mother wants to feed her baby next to foul smelling people or those who are unsavory or have eye problems and all mom's, breast or bottle needs elbow room.
The Social Security office was not my only incident with people who have issues with nursing mom's. Dept. of Social Services, workers there too had an issue. Again the place was packed so I moved my chair off to the side and again was accosted by a guard and an employee who told me to feed him in the bathroom. What gets me is that they aren't hurting me, but my son who didn't know anything except that it was time to eat. I called them all baby haters.
During one of my Wic appts. is when I seen and heard first hand the stigma of nursing in small, poor communities, black and white. Like I said before, the ladies at my WIC office were elated over my choice to nurse my son and bragged about me to the other moms, who were like "who cares" and big deal. This is where I heard the stories of why more mom's don't nurse and seen the reactions on faces of those who are ignorant on the subject. I heard how formula was like the only way to go and that their mother, grandmother and every female relation used formula and  that no one talked about or encouraged it. People made comments as to me acting like a better mother or I was better than them. What shocked me was again young mothers making excuses as to why they can't or won't. The tale of how they can't make milk is another myth I try to dis claim. I thought the same thing but if your baby is satisfied after nursing, has 6 to 8 wet diapers a day and is gaining weight then you are making milk. I felt the odd man out during my WIC visits, the weirdo who breastfeeds. I knew I was the only WIC mom nursing at my local WIC when I won a raffle for breastfeeding moms. I jokingly said to 1 of the ladies; "What, was my name the only 1 in the drawing?" The lady looke somberly at me and nodded yes.Since I am not a certified lactation specialist, WIC could not use me as a support person. I spoke to a few ladies, busting some myths and asking them why they didn't nurse. Most answered because family would mock them or not allow them to nurse in their home and because their friends would stop hanging with them or criticize them.
Back to nursing Adam in public. As I said earlier, I got more comfortable and relaxed about nursing in public and if I would ever tense up, my spouse would relax me, which he was good at. Don't get me wrong, I still had issues where a person would stare at me, which I would just give them a look. I've had people see me tense about it who would suggest I just relax and do what I gotta do or become upset with me if another person were to make a comment about it. Sitting at my Dept of Social Services proved that there were some women out there who was all for nursing and against those who dis liked it. A lady was nect to me and I guess she seen I had a baby but no bottles and she asked if I nursed which I said yes. She then went on and told me to screw the uppity receptionist and just whip it out :). She was angry with me and it was nice that even though we are from two different areas and had nothing in common, that there was a decent person out there after all. I realized after assesing each situation that it was always a woman of police  authoirity ( guards) and those who had authority in their jobs along with those of higher education. Older women never had a problem but younger women did.

I never gave in and pumped because of socities views of nursing in public and I learned to go out more. I learned to tolerate people's ignorancy and stares and enlightened people when I had the chance to. My mom was sick from April to June( when she passed), so I spent alot of tim ein ER's and waiting rooms. Whenever I visited my mom while she was in an ER, she and my sister would play look out and make it known that no one was to interupt me or enter until I was done. The same thing my spouse did whenever a little one needed their own visit to an ER. People were always shocked that I didn't pump which I explained was a waste of sorts since I was bust with the little ones and it just took too long. Besides, Adam liked the boob better than the bottle and I stuck with what worked. I always told to pump and freeze for emergency reasons, just in case. That I do reccomend. You pump throughout the day and keep adding it to a breastmilk bag that can be frozen when it's filled. I was ill about a week after I began nursing Adam and I was out of it. No saved milk. Thankfully I had some formula left over from the hospital, dad was on baby duty. I was warned that after a couple of days on the bottle Adam may that soon become 'nipple' confused. Not Adam; he went right back to it.
Another myth is that we can't wear anything fashionable. While I didn't wear halter tops and the like, I was able to wear some pretty cute tops and while I was a little disappointed because it was summer and I had rocking boobs too show off :) but I got over it since I knew what I was doing was best. There are tops that are specially made for nursing moms and bras, which I highly reccomend. They may be a little expensive but worth every penny. Beats trying to lift your bra up and they are more comfortable. Three did good for me. I do not reccomend those nursing covers that are at there, the baby sweats and to me it's a risk for suffocation. A light receiving blanket will do and on hot days, a large shirt should do the trick. And remember, babies need extra hydration on hot days, so do like I did; nurse in between feedings especially if baby is strictly nursed.
Being told to switch Adam to a cup at 6 months irked me too. Who says? If a baby won't take breatmilk out of a bottle, what makes people think they will take it from a cup? At 6 months, even with a formula baby, milk is still. their main nutrition source.I couldn't even get Adam to take his cereal with breastmilk! He knew where it was suppose to come from. As I said, Adam was breastfed until he was 13 months old. I did offer him food at 6 months along with mashed table food at 8 months but he preferred the breast. His Dr. wasn't concerned since his weight was fine but other professionals were not okay with it and that I will talk about in my next blog. If a baby is breastfed, why do we need give them a cup of milk? I don't get it to this day. I wish women who are young, in neighborhoods where formula rules and breast are for magazines and videos, that I could change people's minds. Some are too afraid of reactions from family anf friends and some are warned by their boyfriends that their breast are for them and not a baby. I'm glad I had support from my close family. Distant relatives and those I see occasionally eventually warmed up to my choice and people continued to vist us. I respected those who didn't like it by sitting in an extra room or feed Adam before a visit somewhere. Again, I respect people's views but when someone entered my home, they knew what to expect. I kept my butt right in my chair. When the teen mom next door came over, she made a comment on how she didn't care but she never seen a baby big as Adam being nursed, he was 8 months old. When Adam got older and bigger, nursing hom discreetly became a challenge.

Getting him to stay covered was down right hilarious sometimes. He'd swat the blanket away and look around and there is nothing but breastmilk shooting out! Remember that! Babies who nurse, will de latch and look around so watch out. Sitting in the van while my spouse went to get us a quick bite was quite something. Adam was thirsty so I began nursing him and then it happened; Adam moved thus exposing his mommy to those entering the drive thru, quite a site I'm sure. One time we just left a store and again, before we took off, Adam latched on and I covered up, out pops his head, milk everywhere and a white blanket flying around. I can imagine how that looked to people driving down the highway. There are so many memories of breastfeeding Adam, some good and some bad but mostly good. I would do it all over again but with more guts and less fear of the public. My daughter became a self proclaimed nursing advocate, she tried to rally moms at out inner harbor but no luck. She made lots of calls to our city hall to get out mayor to promote breastfeeding throughout our city as she was in promoting fashion week, nothing. I would like to be an outreach person to those who want to nurse but who have questions and fears and who possibly would like a support person with them if they want to venture outside their homes. I want to educate those who have an issue with it and answer their questions and I would mostly like to see my state enforce the breastfeeding law and promote nursing and nursing in public. I know this is long and all  mixed up but I'm hoping someone sees themselves in my story and can empathize with me. I am an advocate to this day, I just can't get any organizations to utilize my experience and my knowledge of breastfeeding. If I knew of anyone who wants to try nursing or had an incidenece, I would be there ASAP. I hope my story helps some and enlightens others. There is no shame in breastfeeding, it is the law. The next time you meet a nursing mom, simply pass on by,  stopping a nursing mom is rude and dis respectful to her and her child. If it bothers you, remove yourself. You look ignorant and bullying when you upset a nursing mom and how would you like if a nursing mom ripped your food out of your mouth?